I Didn’t Want to Read This Article

man carrying suitcases - source visualnewsTo be honest I didn’t want to read this article, because I’ve spent my life proving that I’m a strong, independent woman; it’s been my raison d’être, so to speak. I’m also happily married now, so why would I want to read a blog post about how needy women get the men?  But I found that I was too intrigued by Bobbi’s teaser that I just had to click and read. The teaser: “Why Needy Women Get Good Men (Surprise!).”  Over the past years that I’ve been following her, I’ve found that lots of what Bobbi talks about applies in many ways to women who are in existing relationships and marriages, not just single women.  I’ve gotten kind of addicted to reading her advice – especially after I listened to her thought-provoking discussion in the Friendship & Intimacy Workshop at Women At Woodstock 2013.

I’ll boil the article down for you.  The message is this: Women who allow men (who care about them) to help them from time to time, make those men happy. You might say this is duh territory but it hit me between the eyes.  I’ve spent my life saying, “No thanks, I can do it,” whether it’s carrying the bag of groceries to the car or replacing the washers in the faucets or getting my suitcase out from the garage, or moving an entire couch, solo. (Yes, I honestly did that and it has to do with using gravity rather than fighting it, and a balancing and turning method I call “walking” the furniture, and a slow and careful way of sliding it on its side on a blanket down the staircase… Not without risk, mind you, but if you do it right it works and lets you move a huge amount of weight.  I’ll explain it someday.)

So here’s an example: Whenever I’m getting ready for a trip, my husband always says, “I’ll get your suitcase for you,” and I always say, “No, I can do it.” I don’t want to take advantage of him and expect him to do something I can damn well do myself, right?  But in fact I’d love it if he’d go into the spidery hell that is our garage and wrestle that thing out of there and bring it to me. And the other truth is that he’s taller than I am and stronger than I am and it isn’t such a struggle for him as it is for me.

So I took Bobbi’s advice the last time that Brad offered to get my bag, and I said yes. I won’t say he became ecstatic, or that he puffed up before my very eyes with newly found pride, but you know what? He seemed perfectly pleased to do it.  And, I liked him a little better – because here’s this guy who wants to do this nice thing for me, just because. And that extra little feeling probably makes me a little nicer to him, which probably makes him a little happier in our relationship.

Bingo.

 

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2 thoughts on “I Didn’t Want to Read This Article

  • Thanks Ann…and Bobbi! Actually it was my mom who taught me not to ask for help. She was a feminist, an extremely independent woman, and very self sufficient. She was raised in a very strict household and was an only child. So if asking for help made me appear weak or needy then for sure I was not about to do it. It took years, but now I see asking for help as a sign of strength. Anyone who knows me knows I am capable enough to handle things on my own, but are willing to help simply because I asked. And it strengthens ALL relationships for many reasons including allowing others to ask of you as well, shows them it’s okay. Win win.

    • Exactly! I’m so often seriously gladdened when someone asks something from me because of exactly that- it tells me that she trusts me, she trusts our friendship, and I know that I can ask of her if I need help too.

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