Category: Useful Facts and Finds

The Trending Fashion For Women Over 50: Body Shame

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The Trending Fashion For Women Over 50: Body Shame

A few months ago we ran a guest post about eating disorders by Nicole Christina, LCSW, called “The Tragedy of Body Shame,” and it drew a lot of attention; the post spiked our web traffic! Clearly, the problems of appearance, relationships with food, and body shame are plaguing our demographic. And we wear these problems like a fashion statement; whatever issues we’ve had with food throughout our lives often rise up like a tidal wave after 50 and wreak havoc with our feelings about our bodies. We wear our body shame like this season’s new style as we traverse major life changes such as menopause, aging skin, weight gain and/or distribution, health challenges like arthritis, and personal issues such as divorce, caring for elderly parents, or navigating difficult relationships with our grown children.

One of our readers, Laura Tanner Swinand, was kind enough to send us a link to another article on the same topic, which discusses the numbers of older women seeking professional help for eating disorders. The article states that potential triggers for eating disorders include low self-esteem and social pressure, which certainly can affect people of all ages – but midlife often brings additional, unique challenges that raise the chances even more. And cases are on the rise.

The Renfrew Center, which specializes in treating eating disorders, has found that over the past decade, there’s been a 42% increase in women over 35 seeking treatment for problems such as bulimia, anorexia, and binge eating disorder. These problematic behaviors over food are never healthy, but they can be especially dangerous for older women, either simply because of age or because their behaviors have been taking a toll on their bodies for decades. Extended eating disorders can lead to nutritional deficiencies, diabetes, osteoporosis, kidney problems, gastrointestinal issues, and heart disease.

Click here to read “More older women are struggling with eating disorders. Here are the warning signs.”

 

 

Beginners Guide to Publishing in Literary Magazines – Advice from Ann Stoney

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One of the many women who impressed me at the Women At Woodstock 2017 Writers Retreat was Ann Stoney. Not only is she a beautiful writer, she gets herself out there. Ann has racked up an impressive list of stories published by literary magazines over many years of writing. She’s a pro.

I asked Ann if she would share her experience with the rest of us. How does she find writers’ competitions and calls for entries? How does she choose the right ones for her writing style and goals? How does she WIN?! I’m just starting to submit my work to publications and competitions myself, finally, after all these years, so I’m hanging on every word. If you’re an aspiring writer too – or even if you’ve earned a few publications or awards yourself but know that you could always use good advice, read on. Here, from Ann, is:

Beginners Guide to Publishing in Literary Magazines

There are literally hundreds of well-regarded literary magazines out there, waiting for your submissions. Here are some basic tips from a fellow writer who’s experienced limited success, and is still working on it.

The first step is to investigate writing resources like Poets and Writers magazine, and websites: Every Writers Resource, New Pages, Literistic, among others. They can hook you up not only with literary magazines, but also conferences, retreats, grant money, writing programs and anything else a writer might need. Look for magazines that are accepting submissions from “Emerging Writers”, writers who have not yet published a book, or in a publication with a large readership.

If time permits, research the magazine websites, and the writers they’ve published in past issues. I say if time permits because this is a challenge if you’re submitting your piece to lots of them simultaneously. And you should be. I’m talking fifty and above. Surprised? Given the number of talented writers out there, you can’t expect to get published if you limit your submissions to a few. Research a few, submit to a lot.

Even agents and editors will tell you that choosing pieces for publication is a highly subjective process. What one reader doesn’t like, another reader might. The literary business is, in some ways, a crapshoot. This is why it pays to submit, submit, submit! Make sure you notify the other magazines if your piece gets accepted somewhere.

To give you an example of the crazy literary world, one of my stories won an honorable mention from Glimmer Train (one of the top fifty magazines) and was a semifinalist in the American Literary Review fiction contest and guess what? The story has yet to be published. My submissions on this story that won accolades are close to the 50 mark. How crazy is that? Getting published requires grit, determination and patience. You have to be in it for the long haul, and not get discouraged every time you get a rejection.

The second step is to not expect results right away. Unless you’re submitting to well known magazines with paid staff, you’re dealing with devoted readers who are volunteering their time to plough through your submission along with hundreds of others. Don’t expect a response for at least three to six months.

Once the rejections start piling up, you’re ready for the third step — learning to differentiate between the positives and the negatives. Feel lucky if you get anything beyond a rote rejection blurb, “We regret this story isn’t right for this magazine. Good luck placing it elsewhere.” A more positive rejection might be, “Although this story wasn’t what we were looking for, your writing recommends your talent; please send us more.” Tape the positive ones to your wall and target those magazines. Then do as you’re told and send them more!

In order to send them more, you need a body of work (fourth step). I try to balance my writing time between creating, revising and submitting. I might work on a story for a few days, then take a day off and submit one story to several magazines, perhaps ten in an afternoon. This is not an impossible task, given that most of the magazines now use an online program called Submittable. Be sure to track your submissions, on paper or in a database, making note of the name of the magazine, date submitted, type of submission (contest, general), name of piece submitted, and rejection/acceptance date.

Before submitting to any magazine, do the work. Make sure your piece is as good as it can be. Unless you’re a genius, this means revising it until you’re ready to pull your hair out, based on critical positive feedback from your writing group friends, or an editor you’ve paid to lower the axe.

Speaking of writers groups and conferences, one step towards getting published is to become part of a writing community. One of the members of my writing group started a literary magazine, and voila! I was published. Sure, the magazine closed after a few months, but still, I can list it as a writing credit on my biography. And yes, you will need to submit a short cover letter and biography along with your piece. This is not the place to describe what your piece is about, but rather an opportunity to share with the editors how much you enjoy their magazine (if it’s true), and whatever information you feel is relevant to your writing life. Above all, make it short and sweet.

Good luck to you, fellow aspiring writers. And thank you, Ann, for sharing what you’ve learned as you’ve made your way along the path that we’re all treading.
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Mothering Adult Daughters – The Job For Which You Have No Training Goes On

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I just heard from Sandra Butler of the 70 Candles group (women aged 70 and over) about her new book, co-authored with Nan Gefen: It Never Ends: Mothering Middle-Aged Women. Published by She Writes Press, the book is available on Amazon. This is a topic I don’t often see discussed; and as I read Sandra’s description of it, I realize that I could use some wisdom and advice from other older mothers who’ve been walking in my shoes a little longer than I have. I mean, just as when my daughters were growing from newborns to toddlers to girls to young women, I’m winging it. Still. Such is the nature of parenting; it’s perpetual on-the-job training, and then when you think you’ve got some stuff down, the position is eliminated. But you’re then kept on as a consultant for any new issues that might arise, for which, again, you have absolutely no background or experience. Hm.

At least when you get to this stage – my daughters are 30 and 33 – you start to relate to your adult daughters on a woman-to-woman basis. You’re both fully here, with the same capacity of language and, if you’re lucky, compatible life philosophies that make sharing and caring so rich and so deep. In some ways, I feel more intimately involved with my daughters now than I did when they were small. I mean, as they tell me what’s going on in their lives and how they feel, I remember clearly how I felt or what I did in situations similar to theirs. This was not so true when they were little; children’s minds and moods were often a mystery to me. As I watch my daughters deal with issues of friendships and careers and love relationships, I remember my own, and I feel not so much like a mother as a friend and a colleague in the work of life. A mentor sometimes; an annoying old woman others. Mostly I feel such love and pride and sorrow and closeness and desperate longing for their happiness that I can hardly bear it.

But – I confess I’m often at a loss when times are tough for them. I might have advice, but I’m quite aware that they may or may not think that it carries any wisdom at all and they may or may not follow it. Sometimes I hear myself say things that I think are helpful that clearly piss them off, and I find myself wondering, “What? What did I say? Wait a minute – I’m a cool mom. You can’t find me annoying!”

So yeah, one thing I definitely do know – all mothers know – is that mothering is never done, and if we’re honest with ourselves, we never do know what the hell we’re doing. All we know is that we love our daughters beyond words, and as we grow the years between us, we wish to heal old wounds, patch old misunderstandings, share ourselves in a way that’s meaningful, and celebrate life with them.

A book to help me understand? Cope? Be better at this job whose mastery continuously eludes my grasp? You betcha. I’ve ordered my copy. You might want to give yourself your own holiday gift this year, and order one for yourself too.

It Never Ends book cover

 

 

Lonely Over the Holidays? Don’t Be…

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Roommates4Boomers, the roommate-matching service for women over 50, announced a month of FREE service throughout the 2017 winter holidays.

People who live alone feel loneliest during holiday season. And in these days of political invective, sexual scandals, and tragic shootings, the collective angst adds an extra layer of stress to the isolation felt by those living in solo households. The holidays that are upon us could be their worst ever.

Roommates4Boomers, the roommate-matching service for women over 50, is helping lonely people alleviate holiday-time stress and feelings of isolation by making their service free from now until January 5, 2018. Anyone interested in sharing her home with roommates, or looking for a new place to live with roommates, may sign up for Roommates4Boomers and connect with potential roommate matches at no charge.

Loneliness is not only distressing, it’s damaging to a person’s health and longevity. According to a recent article in Fortune, loneliness is a public health threat. John Cacioppo, a neuroscientist at the University of Chicago, says social isolation’s effect on health and mortality is comparable to high blood pressure, obesity, lack of exercise, or smoking. And according to Gary J. Kennedy, M.D., social isolation results in a lack of mental stimulation which increases the risk of dementia.

Says Karen Venable, founder and CEO of Roommates4Boomers, “We know that Roommates4Boomers can’t solve the problems of the world, but we can help improve the lives of women over 50 who live alone, by helping them find compatible roommates and reduce holiday stress and isolation.”

To sign up for Roommates4Boomers, go to https://www.roommates4boomers.com and click on the “Find A Match” button at the top of the page; or go straight to the sign-up page at https://www.roommates4boomers.com/Signup.aspx.

Roommates4Boomers is a roommate-finding service for women 50 and up, and works much like a dating site, using a detailed profile system to match roommates with similar preferences, attitudes, tastes, and habits. Through January 5, 2018, the service will be entirely free; no credit card required. Thereafter the fee will remain free to join and search for matches; and will be $29.95 per month if a user wants to contact a matched potential roommate. If you would like more information, or to schedule an interview with Karen Venable, please contact her at KarenV@Roommates4Boomers.com.

 

A Chance To Mentor About Love & Money – “Just In Case”

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At last year’s Women At Woodstock, Alice March gave a rousing speech at the Mastermind Session about how we need to take action – to talk less and do more – to mentor those who are coming up behind us. We need to do what we say, share our knowledge, and serve as models for the younger generation.

A client of mine, attorney Aliette Carolan, has done just that by writing an important book called Just In Case!! Lose Your Heart, Not Your Mind: Smart Woman’s Guide to Marriage and Self-Sufficiency. In it, she shares a treasure chest of wisdom and warnings for young women about love and money. Or, to be blunt, about how not to be stupid about money, when you fall in love. Of course, her warnings apply to older women every bit as well as to younger ones.

Aliette is an experienced divorce attorney, and she’s seen it all. Unfortunately, she’s seen more than you’d like to know – women who fell in love, got married, left the finances to their husbands, and then were caught flat-footed and empty-handed when a divorce came along. Unbeknownst to them, a second mortgage had been placed on the house. A savings account had been drained. Credit card balances, or several, had been run up. Income had been hidden in a secret account.

Where’s the money? What happened to the money? they asked.

What happened is that these women hadn’t been watching their money, that’s what. They’d been lulled into thinking that when you’re in love, it’s okay for just one spouse to handle and “know about” all the financial stuff – more often the husband than the wife. And then that assumption had bitten them in the ass.

So Aliette wrote Just In Case to share some wisdom about the difference between falling in love, on the one hand, and abdicating responsibility for one’s own financial life, on the other. In it she explains just what every woman should know and understand about her finances – not because all men are terrible or because everyone is heading for an inevitable divorce, but because it’s just plain smart, and grown up, to know where your money is at all times. And you never know. You could end up alone through disease or death, not just due to nefarious activities of your husband. Be an adult. Be prepared. That’s the lesson.

Says Aliette:

Whether you’re in the rapturous throes of endless love or the first moments of stomach-churning awareness that your marriage is falling apart, this book is for you. It’s for every woman who understands that self-preservation will not happen if you rely on someone else to save you. You need to maintain—or begin to establish—your personal independence and financial solvency if you want to be self-sufficient no matter what life throws at you. You can lean on someone, but you have to be able to stand on your own two feet at a moment’s notice, and that’s what this book is about.

Order this book for yourself if you really don’t have a handle on where your savings and investments – and debts – are. Order this book for the younger women in your life whom you care about. Be a wise woman helping the next generation. Click here or on the book cover below to order via Amazon.

Just In Case book cover

 

Fab Find: Farm Box To Your Door

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For all my Women At Woodstock community members who live in California – I wanted to share this recent find: a service called Farm Fresh To You, which delivers a box of fresh-picked, in-season, organic produce and other food products from local farms right to your door. I always buy mostly organic foods but I don’t always know what’s at the height of its season or how freshly picked my fruits and vegetables are or how far they’ve been trucked or flown to get to me. I love finding a box of just-harvested produce sitting in the cool morning air on my front porch every Wednesday morning, and knowing it came from local sources. As I open it and unpack my goodies, I feel for a moment like a farm woman, or a member of a hippie commune – something connected to Mother Earth, somehow doing the Right Thing. It’s a little piece of Living What You Believe. I’m trying to add more pieces like that to my life.

Farm Fresh To You delivers in parts of both Northern and Southern California, so check it out to see if you’re in their service area and to see all the choices available to customize your orders. And before you order, here’s a little gift to get you started: a discount code good for $15 off your first order.

To get your $15 off, be sure to type in the code:

ANNB3942

If you’re not in California, don’t lose hope: There are almost two million farms in the USA, about 80% of which are small farms. More and more of these farmers are now selling their products directly to the public via CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) programs like Farm Fresh To You, or through Farmers’ Markets, Food Coops, u-picks, farm stands, and other direct marketing channels. Click on the map below to find a rather clunky – but very comprehensive – searchable map of CSA programs, from LocalHarvest.org.

community supported agriculture map

Free Thorlo Socks – Worth $15

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Thorlo makes fabulous socks; like socks-on-steroids – specially padded, long-lasting, custom designed socks for different foot types and activities. They’re a little bit expensive because they’re so good: $15 a pair.  We’re giving away free pairs – as long as supplies last – to anyone who asks; courtesy of the Thorlo company, who helped to sponsor Women At Woodstock 2016. To get your free pair, click here or the image below. But please hurry – we have only about 50 pairs left.  Feel free to share this with a friend too – all we’ll ask of her is that she join our email list so she can stay up to date with Women At Woodstock’s news and events.

Free Thorlo Socks worth $15

Who Will Take Care Of You? “Me” Is A Wrong Answer.

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According to a nationwide survey*, women age 50 and older fear becoming a burden to their families more so than men; 66% of women versus 50% of men are nagged by this thought. More than 75% worry that they won’t have money for what care they may eventually need. Yet more than 60% of women haven’t discussed long-term care with anyone.

What the F.

We don’t want anyone to “worry.” We don’t want anyone even to think of us as becoming a frail old woman who can’t take care of herself. We figure we’ll just take care of ourselves, one way or another. “I’ll just do everything on my own and I won’t need anyone to be my caretaker.”

Really? Really?

Did you ever stop to think that your chance of becoming the burden you don’t want to become – of needing a caretaker when you never planned for it to happen and you don’t know how you’re going to manage it – is greater when you don’t do anything to plan for life’s changes than if you do face your fear and do some planning? Did you ever stop to think that life will change – one way or another? Do you really think it can be otherwise?

That’s not to say that one day you’re going to “fall and can’t get up.” That may never happen. You could be strong and healthy and vibrant to the very end of a very long life. But come on, even in a perfect life, one day you’ll come to realize that you’re having a hard time keeping up with everything that needs doing. That you can’t do and take care of all the things you could when you were younger. I felt it poignantly last month when I flew out to Memphis to meet my daughter midway as she drove her last load of belongings from New Orleans to her new home in Cleveland. I knew that my “help” was limited – I was happy to give her moral support, and even help unpack if she wanted me to, but there was no way I was going to be able to carry any boxes up the flights of stairs to her third-floor apartment. Wasn’t it just a few years ago that I was parallel parking a U-Haul truck on Broadway in New York City and hoisting boxes to her dorm room right alongside her? Things have changed.

Life doesn’t have to be one long down-sloping roll into dependency and depression. If you plan for change, you can have a say in your outcome. You can maximize happiness. You can protect assets. You can take care of yourself, even when you come to require the assistance of others with some aspects of your life.

You owe this to yourself. And as a woman, you owe it to your “sistahs” in life – your daughter or your sister or your niece or your young friends. After all, the job of caregiver typically goes to a daughter who herself is likely to be a sandwich-generation mom, or the responsibility is spread among a team of sisters or nieces who have a lot going on in their lives. Yes, you should be cared for if you need help, but shouldn’t you do what you can to need as little help as possible – at least with things that could be avoided had you planned ahead? And don’t you deserve to maintain your dignity and independence on your own terms?

So I’m saying – look into options you might consider in the future, like sharing housing with other women your age. Roommates4Boomers is a good resource for information on shared housing. Find out about groups that advocate for and support Aging In Place. A few years ago AARP published A State Survey of Livability Policies and Practices, which is a good place to start. And talk to a Long-Term-Care specialist – an insurance agent or a financial advisor. You don’t have to buy a policy if you talk to someone. Just find out the facts and the options and the costs. I’m not selling anything here. In fact I’m paying – paying precious money – to a long-term care insurance company every quarter now. But at least in talking with the experts I learned that in some cases, you can have an annuity plan that provides for double benefits if you should become disabled, which can help with LTC costs. For myself, I learned that the best option was to use the money in my Health Savings Account to pay the premiums, so the expense is paid out of money that I was putting into the HSA anyway. (I have a medical insurance policy with a high deductible and a tax-deductible health savings account I contribute to every year that provides the funds to pay for medical expenses that fall into the deductible category – like, practically, all of them.)  If I can use that HSA money to pay the premiums, I don’t have to add it as an additional expense to my monthly budget, which eases the pain somewhat. I wish I didn’t have to spend the money that goes toward these premiums, but at least it’s less of a financial burden than I thought it was going to be, and I know that I’ve done what I can to preserve my dignity, come what may, and minimize a potential burden that I might otherwise impose on those whom I love more than anything.

*The survey mentioned above was conducted in 2015 by Harris Poll on behalf of The Nationwide Retirement Institute among 1,291 U.S. adults age 50 or older including 709 females and 582 men.

 

Single? Here’s How to Cut Your Rent or Mortgage In Half

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house of money - source godlygentlemanPost kids. Post Marriage. Maybe never married… At any rate, single now and living by yourself… Is this you?

Maybe living alone is not proving as satisfactory as before, especially as you look toward the future. You might be seeing lots of articles about how living alone is actually not good for your health.  You might be starting to feel squeezed financially, when you had thought you’d be feeling secure at this stage in your life.  You may have started wondering if you’re becoming socially isolated. And, looking ahead, you might be starting to wonder how you’re going to live as you get older – because a retirement community is just not in your plans.

Well, as always, you’re not alone.  Lots of women over 50 – and I mean a LOT – are living single (1 in 3), and are mulling over these same questions about where and how they’re going to live. Should they downsize and continue living alone? Should they research retirement communities? Should they stay put and try to continue paying the mortgage or the rent solo?

A rapidly growing number of women are coming up with a plan that’s “None of the above.” They’re deciding to move in with other like-minded women and share their housing. It’s brilliant.

I’m impressed by this new movement among us. Shared housing is yet another expression of our generation’s determination to “do it our way.” It’s also a wonderful example of that “Woodstock within us” that I swear bonds us all together. I am heartened by and applaud this new trend.

A very smart businesswoman, Karen Venable, has launched a website to serve this growing need: Roommates4Boomers. It’s free to join, and free to search the database for compatible women.  You pay a monthly fee only if you’d like to contact an interesting woman you’ve found.  And this website is only for women over 50.

If you’re part of the movement of women seeking roommates, or even if you’re just thinking about the idea and would like to explore it further, check out Roommates4Boomers, fill out a profile, and see what’s out there.  You never know. At the very least, you’re sure to find some new friends in your area.