Category: Guest Posts

Women At Woodstock Has Been a Beautiful Answer to the Quiet Question That Prompted My Search

Ann Voorhees Baker 0 Comment Ann's Blog, Guest Posts, I've Been to Woodstock , , ,

woman looking pensive

by Brenda Rush

It began as a feeling, a soft wordless whisper that grew into an insistent urging. Finally, a relentless nudge propelled me. I began searching online for answers to a question for which I only had a few words. Over time, those keywords took me to retreat sites. Unfortunately, most retreats have only one subject of focus like yoga, writing, silence, art, wine, food, or the environment. Those topics didn’t address my unspoken question.

Then a retreat called “Women at Woodstock” by Ann V. Baker appeared. Common retreat subjects were mentioned, but friendship and support for women was the focus. That’s a chord that plays for me. Ann and I emailed. She was approachable, welcoming, and patiently answered my questions.

Truth be told, the idea to travel alone 2,000 miles for a stranger-filled event didn’t come from my risk-averse brain. Surprisingly, it came from a place of deeper need. Taking the leap to attend Women at Woodstock was my attempt to answer the question that finally rose to the surface: How do I passionately embrace life, try different things, and discover new opportunities that put a twinkle in my eye? 

The first time I tentatively considered attending Woodstock, a re-occurring phrase came to mind: If not now, when? So, I bought tickets for the planes, trains, cars, and buses required to travel from the Panhandle of Texas to rural Rosendale by way of bustling New York City at rush hour.

Upon safely arriving at my destination, I met a houseful of women, and we slid comfortably into the four-day retreat experience. Women at Woodstock (WAW) opened a whole new world for me with a network of uniquely talented and resourceful women. It was amazing to see how so many energetic individuals had packed numerous successful lives and careers into their first fifty or sixty years.

In group mastermind sessions and one-on-one, they listened attentively to my accent and my ponderings. They saw my gifts and abilities; they encouraged me to act on new goals. I learned from their words and was inspired to be brave. They shared helpful connections and invited me to call on them as needed. (When I reached out to some of them months later, true to their word, they provided experienced, professional advice and shared invaluable insights.) Their words lifted me and carried me forward on my fledgling adventures into new projects.

After the event concluded, thanks to the artistic photos of Phoebe Stout, we all had images to enjoy. The candid shots were sweet surprises to those of us who were first-time attendees. Today, I keep a group photo in my office to remind me to stay connected with the women I met.

The next year, Ann invited me to present a talk about my freelance writing and copy-editing work, which I had crystallized as a goal during Women At Woodstock 2017 and achieved in the following year. I also took full advantage of meeting and discovering each gem of a woman in attendance. They are all treasures to be discovered. Even the quietest and most introverted can surprise.

Susannah Sinard was a hidden treasure I found in 2018. We quickly sensed we were kindred spirits and the more we talked, the more we proved the point. Information flowed revealing caches of similar life stories, questions, and goals. We both have two children. In fact, her son documented travel with friends through my state and Susannah suggested I view their YouTube Channel AdventureArchives.

Ironically, when I watched their videos, the guys sitting around their campfire one night reflected, “There are nice people everywhere.” Indeed, there are! One of them is Susannah, my friend, a sister in faith, an email buddy, and a published writer of science fiction.

I’ve lived in my town of 200,000 people for over 30 years and have wonderful friends, yet I’ve not met anyone here quite like the women who have become my Woodstock friends.

My family wants me to go to Ann’s retreat every October because they like what they see in me. They are proud of the changed woman I’ve become, but I knew she was in there all along. If my two-year experience is representative, it demonstrates each WAW event is unique unto itself and certainly worthy of my time and travel. It has been a beautiful answer to the quiet question that prompted my search. Now I look forward to other opportunities that come through future courageous adventures.        

Brenda Rush is a copy editor and writer who tells stories that need to be told. She attended Women At Woodstock 2017 and 2018.

Women At Woodstock Workshop Retreat 2019 is October 17-21.
Click here for details on this year’s event for women over 50.

Women At Woodstock Writers Retreat 2019 is October 21-25.
Click here for details on this year’s event for women writers of all ages.

The Tragedy of Body Shame in Women Over 50

Ann Voorhees Baker 4 Comments Ann's Blog, Guest Posts , , , , ,
The Tragedy of Body Shame in Women Over 50

by Nicole Christina, LCSW

Imagine this scene: You are at the coffee shop with a few of your female friends who are talking about their current diets, whether or not they were “good” over the weekend, and their successes or failures according to their fitness apps.

Or this: You are at your favorite clothes shop with your best friend, trying on dresses. Your friend comes out of the dressing room looking lovely in a colorful dress that suits her bubbly personality. You exclaim, “I love it! It’s you!” and she replies in a disgusted tone, “Are you kidding? It makes my butt look enormous!”

Sound familiar?

Body Shame For Women Over 50 Is an Epidemic

Body shame is epidemic for women, and even after countless attempts to lose weight throughout our lives, many of us are still trying in our later years. We might reason that we want to “be healthy.” Sometimes it’s an attempt to get back the younger body we’re mourning. It’s a loss to see our bodies changing in ways that our culture tells us is unattractive and undesirable. Especially if we had received a lot of attention for our looks, our body’s aging can be downright traumatic and feel like a betrayal. The messages are not subtle: Unless you are slender, you have a body that’s wrong and needs to be fixed. And shame is the natural reaction to feeling wrong or bad.

The focus on weight and body in our 50’s makes perfect sense. Much like adolescence when eating disorders often develop, there are major transitions, adjustments and losses in life after 50. Mothers who have spent so much of their time and energy parenting are sending their kids off. Parents and friends may be ill and need caretaking. One’s identity is in flux and there are many unknowns. We may feel great loss and emptiness. Chronic dieting is a great distraction from these anxieties.

Diets Give Us a Sense of Control and Safety

Diets help us put our lives in a safe container; instead of allowing ourselves to feel invisible, sad, or jealous, for example, we can focus in on carbs, points, calories or pounds. Dieting brings all of the ambivalence and discomfort into a realm we can control. They help us feel like we’re a project to be improved upon, and we’re making progress. Eating less carbs may help us feel powerful, disciplined and even smug. This sense of control, however illusory, is welcome at a time when everything feels in turmoil.

Our 50’s are also a time when many women realize that their partnerships are not what they need or want in this phase of life. The “breakup diet” begins in response to the stress of divorce when we might unintentionally lose weight. But then we receive praise and compliments like, “You look great! How are you doing it?” That’s hard to resist for anyone. It feels great to feel a sense of accomplishment. The desire to maintain that attention is seductive. We may adopt restrictive eating rules to maintain the new, lower-weight body. If we are looking to begin dating again, we tell ourselves that being thinner is necessary because the competition is rough. We may diet to compete with younger women. Adopting diet trends, such as gluten-free or low carb, may help us feel relevant in the face of feeling invisible. There’s nothing sexy about eating fresh foods that you like in moderation, and moving for pleasure, not punishment. Yet that is exactly what keeps us sane and balanced with food and exercise.

The Power of the Diet Industry

The diet industry’s sole purpose, of course, is to convince us that we’re unlovable in our current bodies. If you’ve absorbed the current message that losing weight increases your health, you might be surprised to know that that’s a gross oversimplification. This is a myth that is rampant, yet the scientific research simply does not support this. Check out the book Body Respect by Linda Bacon, and prepare to have all of your beliefs about weight loss and health turned upside down. Approximately 98% of diets fail, and many people find they actually gain weight. Yo-yo dieting is proven to create health problems. Sadly, physicians still prescribe exercising more and eating less, as if it’s that easy. That advice is not sustainable nor based in science. It’s a setup, and we end up feeling like a failure. Our body shame is compounded by what we perceive is a lack of willpower.

Eating Disorders Are on the Rise Among Women Over 35

It’s important to we ask ourselves who benefits from our body shame. Some argue that dieting is a means of oppression of women. It’s not such a stretch. The Renfrew Center–the gold standard for eating disorder treatment facilities–reported that in the past decade, there has been a 42% increase in the number of women over the age of 35 who sought treatment at their clinic. And because eating disorders have the highest rate of mortality than any other mental health diagnosis, this is tragic.

Have we considered the emotional cost of body shame and loathing? How that constant negative orientation towards the very body that houses us erodes our confidence? Steals our energy? Pulls our focus from using our talents and skills? When is the last time we thanked our body for what it does so well–keeping our internal temperature at a constant rate, manage the billions of bio-chemical reactions that keep our system balanced? Run across the tennis court to chase down a ball?

Just for fun, see if you can notice when you are body shaming yourself or someone else, and focus instead on how the body serves you. I think you will feel a weight lifted.

Nicole Christina, LCSW, is a psychotherapist of 30 years, specializing in food and body issues. She’s the creator and host of the popular podcast Zestful Aging, which is heard in 53 countries worldwide. To find out more, go to NicoleChristina.com.

What is a questionologist? (and how can one help you?)

Laura Kelly 1 Comment Ann's Blog, Guest Posts, WAW Community News , , , , , , ,

By Laura E. Kelly

When you’re innocently finishing up your breakfast and you see a group of women across the room putting their heads together while looking at you, you know something is up. You just hope they aren’t talking about the way you’re scarfing down your delicious granola.

The group beckoned me over to their table, where Ann was sitting. I noticed everyone smiling nervously while looking expectantly at me. I only had a moment to think “Uh, oh,” before Ann asked if would be willing to do my Flash Workshop presentation 15 minutes from then. I had been scheduled to be the second speaker on this first day of the 2018 Women at Woodstock retreat, but was now needed to pinch hit for lead speaker Alice March, who needed to switch her start time with mine because, well, no one had woken her up for her granola and she was running late.

Hey, anything for Ann and Alice. Plus, I was happy to step in because I knew that I had a great icebreaker for the 20+ Woodstock retreat women—some of whom knew each other, and others who didn’t.

I was at WAW to enjoy the four-day retreat like everyone else, but also to spread the word about the power of questions—a skill that we all possess but barely use in our autopilot daily lives. I co-own an editorial business with my husband, Warren Berger, who’s written a number of books about innovation and creativity, with a recent focus on questioning. By dint of working with Warren in researching, editing, and marketing THE BOOK OF BEAUTIFUL QUESTIONS, and A MORE BEAUTIFUL QUESTION before it, I had become a questionologist like him.

And so I found myself on 9 am Friday, Oct. 12, in the beautiful, light-filled Lifebridge meeting room in front of a bunch of sleepy women who were no doubt wondering, “Questioning? I need answers, not questions,” but were too polite to say so.

Me waking up the 2018 WAW crowd about the power of questioning.

First, we talked about who’s the best questioner out there. The mothers in the room guessed correctly:

300 questions a day for her mother!

Then the life coaches and teachers in the room nodded knowingly as I spoke about how the most famous “experts” in the world are people who are actually lifelong learners and questioners. The rest of us, however, ratchet back the questioning around the time we go to school, where answers are what wins us good grades and teacher praise. Questions are often discouraged by our judgmental peers and our time-crunched teachers, and, later, by our results-driven bosses.

Yet questions are a proven key tool for connecting, deciding, creating, leading and just plain living a full, growth-oriented life. Questions are something we need to cultivate.

The goal for my talk was to quickly reintroduce people to the power of questioning. I told everyone that I was going to touch on two big categories of questions:

  • The questions we ask others
  • The questions we ask ourselves

Working on Warren’s book, I had learned that questions are a great way to connect with someone and get to know them fast—a perfect thing to kick off a retreat!

I asked everyone to get out the “Q card” in the folder I’d handed out; it was titled “Questions to ask instead of ‘How Are You?’ and instead of ‘What Do You Do?’” I asked each person to find a partner, pick a “connect” question off the card, listen to their partner’s answer, ask follow-up “And what else?” questions, and then turn over the questioning to the other person.

When I said, “…And go!” the room sparked into animated conversations. Being forced to turn to the person next to you and ask a rather bold question like “What’s the best thing that happened to you this week?” or “What are you most passionate about?” turned out to be just as energizing an icebreaker as I’d hoped.

How to Craft Your Own Beautiful Question

After that fun exercise, we moved on to the best questions to ask yourself. To be honest, we barely touched on that topic—THE BOOK OF BEAUTIFUL QUESTIONS has hundreds of great questions to ask yourself to check your biases, figure out what to do next, be more creative, connect better with friends and family, and be a more compassionate and effective leader.

In the interest of time, I zeroed in on helping attendees start formulating their own “beautiful question,” a question that is ambitious yet actionable and begins to shift the way we perceive or think about something—and that might serve as a catalyst to bring about change.

There are as many personally meaningful beautiful questions as there are people, but just to get things started, I suggested a framework for building a beautiful question, using three focus questions.

A) “What is one of your superpowers?”—which could mean something you enjoyed as a kid, or that you really enjoy doing now with no pay or incentive, or something that people often tell you you’re good at that you take for granted. (You know—the compliments that you wave off because, of course you can do that, can’t everyone?)

B) “What change would you like to bring about?” Here you’re trying to identify a problem in your life you’d like to solve, a cause you’d like to contribute to, or perhaps a new idea you’d like to share with the world.

C) “What might stand in the way of this idea?” Could be money, time, ability, don’t know how to start… All the obstacles we let divert us from real progress and change.

Then I suggested that people lead off their beautiful questions with the three open, expansive, and action-oriented words “How might I…”

Finally, I threw out the caveat that made all the difference for me when I was formulating my beautiful question:

“Do not think about how you would answer this question or even if you can answer this question. Your job today is just to formulate the question. Your question will not be answered overnight. You have to live with it and address it over time… The answers and actions that are meaningful to you will emerge.”

So, the framework for a beautiful question might look something like this:
How might I apply A (superpower) and accomplish B (solving problem) while making sure I deal with C (obstacle)?

And begin!

As the women began working on their beautiful questions, the focused brain energy was palpable in the room. I could see that some women already knew exactly what their big question was. Others were using the framework to begin building their question.

We only had 10 minutes to begin the work of crafting a beautiful question. When the time was up, I asked if anyone wanted to share their question. Nobody was ready at that moment to go public, so I asked people to take their question home with them, work on it, think about it, and begin acting on it, by chipping away with little actions to nudge them down the path to answers.

I also meant to mention that keeping the question front and center ensures continued action. Some people put their question on their bathroom mirror or on their car dashboard. I have my question handwritten on a post-it stuck on the right side of my computer screen, leading to weekly big and small actions to address it.

The power of sharing your question

Sharing your question with others is a key feature of using questions to tackle your challenges. Unlike resolutions and declarations, questions by their very nature are engaging and shareable. Upon hearing a question that begins “How might I…,” listeners become intrigued and might even offer some good ideas to help you tackle your issue.

So now I’d like to ask the readers of this post to consider sharing their beautiful question with the rest of us—and this also goes for readers who weren’t at the 2018 WAW session. As I said in my talk, there is no right or wrong beautiful question, only one that is meaningful to you. And since beautiful questions should morph and grow over time it’s understood that this is just the first iteration, ready for additions and tweaks (and even wholesale redo’s) down the road. My current beautiful question is not the one I started out with.

I will start the ball rolling by sharing WAW attendee Brenda Rush’s beautiful question that she kindly wrote on the big pad of paper at the front of the room for us all to read:

Thanks, Brenda. That’s a classic multi-part beautiful question, with many components to take apart and explore. It’s one I hope you will spend time pondering and pursuing over the next year. I fully expect that you’ll be amazed where the pursuit of your question will lead you.

Anybody else ready to share her question here on the WAW blog? I’d love to read them, and probably others would, too. I’ve listed mine below in the comments to get the comments going.

EXTRAS

THE BOOK OF BEAUTIFUL QUESTIONS has 40 sidebars of themed questions. Forty might not seem like that many, but it adds up to more than 200 questions, and I can vouch firsthand that they required a lot of research, interviews with experts, and time to compile & curate.

I recently designed those sidebars as portable postcards. Someday maybe they’ll be preprinted in a cool card deck for sale on Amazon, but right now they are a free downloadable gift for readers of the book… and for you! Click here to download 40 cards of themed questions from The Book of Beautiful Questions.

Even if you don’t think you’ll use the cards, take a quick look at that link to see the fun list of questions, which range from “If you simply can’t find the time to be creative, ask yourself these 5 questions” to “Questions to make someone like (or even love) you.”

Book marketing section of this post (you knew it was coming)

You can find the full stories behind the questions on these Q cards in The Book of Beautiful Questions, which just went on sale on 10.30.18 and is available in hardcover, ebook, and audiobook format, for all the multi-taskers out there.

An early heads up: BloomsburyUSA isn’t offering any discounts on the new book just yet since it’s brand new, but on November 8 through December 3, Bloomsbury is sponsoring a special ebook promo of Warren’s original question book, the bestselling A MORE BEAUTIFUL QUESTION, on sale for $1.99 on Kindle, NOOK, Google Play, and iBooks during those four weeks. So bookmark those dates and pass the word along.

FURTHER INSPIRATION:

If you need more incentive to come up with an ambitious but actionable beautiful question for yourself, click here for a short list of beautiful questions that sparked million-dollar businesses.

Laura E. Kelly is the creative director and partner with author Warren Berger in WBLK Media, Inc., a media consultancy that specializes in words and images, specifically books, articles, book proposals, and websites for creatives. Their most recent co-production is the new book, The Book of Beautiful Questions: The Powerful Questions That Will Help You Decide, Create, Connect, and Lead. She led the workshop, “Building Your Big Beautiful Question” at Women At Woodstock 2018.

What Matters Most At This Career/Life Stage? Questions Only You Can Answer.

Ann Voorhees Baker 0 Comment Ann's Blog, Guest Posts , , ,

Guest Post

By Diane Baranello, Career/Personal Branding Coach & Accountability Partner, Coaching for Distinction

Are you clear on what matters most in your career and your life today? Not last year. Not last month or yesterday … today. We live life ‘in the moment’ and asking ourselves thoughtful questions about where we want to put our energy and experience, and the difference we want to make, is so important to our brand, our life, and overall well-being. There’s no book in the world that can tell you precisely what you should do next, when or why. It’s up to you.

That may sound a bit scary but the task to rediscover what you want to do with your life &/or your career, although a bit daunting, is also exciting. Let’s assume you’re full of energy but the idea of what comes next is stopping you in your tracks.

Start with a prompt.

Diane BaranelloWhat is it that lights me up when I think about it? Perhaps it’s something you’ve put aside for years, feeling you didn’t have the time … but now you do. Maybe it’s work that will fulfill your desire to do good, pay it forward, leave a legacy. You may have sacrificed for family or friends and ignored a creative wish, a yearn to learn, or a destination that’s always intrigued you. Until you ask yourself what lies in the gap between what you’ve accomplished and what remains undone, the frustration of no decision will become your decision.

Reimagine your life.

Think of your life as a blank canvas. In your mind, allow a wash of color to bring it to life. That’s the warmth of your spirit. Consider what comes easily to you and write them down. Those are your innate talents … the gifts you’ve been blessed with. Reflect on the hurdles you’ve had in your life and how you’ve overcome them. Those are the times you’ve had to be bold, strong, resilient. Write them down too.

Trade problems for possibilities.

Tell yourself … I can’t do everything but I can do something. What is that? If time, or money, or health are obstacles, break each one down into possibility statements. For example, if I can’t do it all, what can I do? If my dream is too big, is there a part of it that would satisfy me? If I can’t afford to bring my dream to reality, is there a way I can earn enough to see some of it come to life? What if…? Why not? What’s possible? You don’t have to tilt at windmills. You have to change your perspective to see possibilities.

Consider the risk of no risk.

Often, we want the road to be straight and the way to be easy. Who wouldn’t? But we have to risk something in order to get ahead. Sure, risk implies we could lose instead of win, but without risk we stagnate. Often it’s resistance to change or fear of failure that prevents us from taking chances that might change our lives for the better. Ask yourself, what am I willing to risk in order to achieve what I set out to do? Being bold requires courage but think of how courageous you’ve been in your life when the chips were down or the odds were against you. You are already brave.

Take action.

Above all, do something. Thinking, planning, considering, weighing … that’s all good unless you get stuck before you start. You need a bit of a trigger. For example, each day write down what you’ve done to move the needle forward from the day before, and the action you will take today to advance toward living the life you desire. Living your life with purpose requires commitment, so start your day by completing a simple statement … “Today I commit to …” Hold yourself accountable for every commitment and, if you think you may falter, work with an Accountability Partner.

Create a roadmap.

Every journey requires a roadmap to get from where you are to where you want to be. Your Career/Life Roadmap is your personal guide for achieving your goal. When you write down where you’re going, why you’re taking this trip, your strategy for arriving at your destination, and all the milestones along the way … you’ll be living your purpose. Live it now. You have more control than you know.

[Editor’s Note: Diane will be leading a thoughtful discussion on these issues on the first Evening Salon at Women At Woodstock 2018.]

Finding Your Muse for Life and Writing

Ann Voorhees Baker 0 Comment Ann's Blog, Creatives & Creativity, Guest Posts , ,

A Guest Post
by Angela Kaufman

Do you pay attention when your Muse calls to you?

Do you heed the voice, the nudging, or the burst of energy that brings you from the seed of a thought, not fully formed, to a completed work?

 Perhaps you have had many seeds planted and are still cultivating your garden of creativity. Perhaps your harvest has been abundant and your writing prolific. Either way, you know the feeling of being inspired by a source of energy that comes through you but not entirely from you.

All artists, writers and creative people channel the energy of the Divine constantly through our work. Yet we don’t always realize it. Maybe the word ‘channel’ sounds a little too risky. Too much like not being in control. We can admit to being inspired. To having an epiphany that we can build into a story or article. When you work openly with the connection to your Muse, Higher Wisdom, Intuition or whatever name you wish to call it, the words flow freely. The channel of inspiration is open. When we are blocked emotionally or creatively, it reflects a block in our connection to this higher part of our guidance as well.

Many writers use games and prompts to trigger the creative process and overcome blocks. In doing so, they are actually bypassing the logical mind and allowing the spontaneity of the creative, right brain, intuitive self to emerge. Similar to the practices which help us develop our connection to Higher Guidance through intuitive development. Tarot cards, for example, can be used to glean insight from our intuition as well as to trigger the creative process.

Heeding the call of the Muse and opening to Intuition involve the same basic processes. When we are willing to step out of the formulaic plans created by the ego and open ourselves to receive direction from a higher source, we are following this process. When we surrender and trust the process, walking through the story word by word, page by page, allowing the energy to flow in the moment, we are engaging in this process.

Whether you are seeking guidance in your writing process, or guidance in your life, career, or relationships, working with Tarot and intuition can open up your channel to your higher wisdom and your muse. In life, as in the writing process, our conscious planning and logic sometimes fall short. Our intuitive side, Higher Guidance, or Muse can help us overcome these roadblocks.

If you are feeling stuck in writing or in life, here are a few exercises to help you connect with your Muse or Higher Self.

Play- Spontaneity arises from our playful side. Whether you have an important decision to make or are staring frustrated at a blank document on Word, take a moment to not take the situation so seriously. Play a game, play with children or animals, play games with the words on the screen. This switches gears from logical to intuitive and free flowing and that is where the magic happens.

Ask for guidance and expect to receive it. We are constantly being guided. We just don’t usually step back to see the patterns, symbols, and synchronicities falling into place around us. Questions demand answers. One of the best ways to trigger the flow of information from your Higher Self or Spirit is to ask a question. Doing this turns your problem over to a higher source which will respond. Ask for guidance and then pay attention in the moments, hours, days that follow. Pay attention to the ‘coincidences’ which are not really coincidences but the language of Spirit. Pay attention to symbols around you and the messages you receive from seemingly unrelated conversations. We are constantly surrounded by teachers.

Talk to your work. Speak or write a ‘conversation’ with your characters. If you are writing a work of non-fiction which does not contain characters, then invoke through your imagination, the energy of the work. Start a discussion with the Source of your work and let it guide you. Don’t get sidetracked by doubting yourself or wondering whether the dialog is coming from yourself or another source. It is coming from a combination of both your subconscious and Higher Self.

[Ann’s Note:]

For Intuitive and Tarot guidance for writing and life situations, schedule a session with Angela Kaufman at Women at Woodstock by emailing her at intuitiveangela@gmail.com, or make arrangement in person at the retreats. She’ll be available at both the Workshop Retreat and the Writers Retreat!

 

Looking Back – This is What Janet Told Me

Ann Voorhees Baker 2 Comments Ann's Blog, Guest Posts, I've Been to Woodstock , , ,

I wrote to one of my oldest  friends from Women At Woodstock, Janet Riccobono. I said I missed her, as she had to skip Women At Woodstock last year, so it’s been nearly two years since we’ve seen each other. I still remember Janet spending a day with me here in Redondo Beach a few years back when she was in LA for a family visit. I was so touched that she took time out from her trip to see me. I remember sitting on the sand, our backs against the wall on the Strand in Hermosa Beach, talking about life. I was a perfect day, and it felt like being with an old friend, even though honestly I’d known Janet for only a couple years and I’d spent a grand total of, what, maybe 12 days with her at different Women At Woodstock retreats prior to that day? No matter. This woman and I knew each other. That’s what Women At Woodstock does.

So in my email I asked Janet, how’s life? Turns out a lot has changed for her; most huge being that she’s moved from the northeast to the southeast, which involved leaving the house in which she and Rob had been living and raising two kids for 18 years. That’s a big turning point. I did it 16 years ago and I still haven’t gotten over it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad for my decision, I’m happy where I am, I’m grateful to be here… but still, there’s a deep, torn loss that just goes on and on and doesn’t heal. It’s just what it is. It’s so very hard to walk away from such a place in your life and leave it behind you.

So other than filling me in on the latest in her life, Janet also said something beautiful about all her years of attending Women At Woodstock. I asked if I could share what she wrote here on my blog, and she gladly said yes. So read on and look back through Janet’s eyes:

The retreats have changed my life. Truth. And I have met some of the most outstanding (women) human beings that I would not have met otherwise. What/where would I be if I hadn’t met Linnea and had one of the deepest conversations I’ve ever had that was also the most spontaneous. Her warmth and sincerity still sit in my heart. I would never have been a BOOM products customer without having met Cindy. Her unwavering certainty that aging and dying are two separate things and that new opportunities spring up every day, not just in our twenties or thirties helped me promote and move on with coaching even when I thought I had nothing to offer. I wouldn’t have met Kathy, in my own backyard had I not been a WAW’er! You might never have met Angela Kaufman either. 🙂 

Who are these incredible, generous, smart women that Janet met at Women At Woodstock?

Linnea Duvall

Linnea Duvall

Linnea Duvall, Therapist

Good-Bye, Linnea Duvall – One of Our Own, and One In a Million

Cindy Joseph

Cindy Joseph I Launching a Nationwide Pro-Age Revolution

Cindy Joseph – Revealing Her Real Hair

Cindy Joseph’s TEDx Talk

Good-Bye, Beautiful Cindy

Kathy Welby-Moretti

I Am Filled With Sorrow on Mother’s Day

HOPE’s Fund Celebrates Kathy Welby-Moretti

Kathy Welby-Moretti in Ulster Magazine

She Awoke This Morning With a Feeling of Hope

Angela Kaufman

The Power of Sisterhood at Midlife

“We each had our own version of ‘yeah, but…’ in diminishing our writing”

Turning Point: How Intuition Can Guide You Through Life Transitions

Discover the Power of Your Archetypal Queen

What interesting, compassionate, passionate, accomplished, celebratory, brave women, all. And that’s just a small handful of the Women At Woodstock alums who’ve shared themselves with one another and built friendships in our very few days together year after year; supportive relationships that have lasted months, years, a lifetime, even sometimes beyond. How many of us have developed such meaningful and deep friendships so late in our lives? 

I’m grateful to Janet. I’m grateful to every woman who comes to Women At Woodstock. What Janet has described here is just a tiny taste of the enrichment that has come into my life, thanks to all of the women I’ve met, and gotten to know, at our retreats. How lucky am I.

Kindness – A Poem by Mary K. O’Melveny

Ann Voorhees Baker 0 Comment Ann's Blog, Guest Posts, WAW Community News , ,

Mary's new collection of poetry, A Woman of a Certain Age, is available for pre-order now from Finishing Line Press.

. . . . . . . . .

Mary K O’Melveny, a recently retired labor rights attorney, lives in Washington DC and Woodstock, New York. Her poetry has been published in a variety of print and online journals and anthologies. Mary was the winner of the 2017 Raynes Poetry Competition sponsored by Jewish Currents Magazine and a Finalist for the 2017 Pangaea Award sponsored by The Poet’s Billow. Mary also won an Honorable Mention in the 2018 Reid-Howard Poetry Contest sponsored by Winning Writers and was Short-Listed for the 2018 Fish Publishing Poetry Prize judged by Ellen Bass. She is working on two new poetry collections.

KINDNESS

by Mary K O’Melveny

Some of us are trying to be kind.

Even in smallest ways. Even as the known

world self-destructs around us, shards of

optimism falling from the sky before we even

have a chance to look up to see what has

shifted us off our comfortable axis.

 

I’ve got a chipmunk problem in my yard.

The tiny furred creatures have popped up

everywhere, sending showers of dirt

into the air like it was Yellowstone.

I cannot kill them even though I want to.

They will not leave even though I have raged

 

at them, insulted them and their ancestors.

My neighbor brings a have a heart trap

so I can remove them kindly. He baits it with

peanut butter. Soon the trap has a frightened

occupant. I cannot bear to look out for fear

of crying. The prisoner is soon relocated.

 

The trap is replaced. A new chipmunk takes

the bait. He too is repatriated to a new territory.

Capture and repeat.   The metal trap looms larger

each day as an unending array of innocents are

tempted by creamy nut paste. Soon enough,

I begin to worry about babes left behind in tunnels,

 

about mothers and fathers grieving for lost children.

One day a chipmunk plants itself on my deck

and looks in through the window. My kind self

huddles behind the blind. I will not make eye contact.

This is the humane way, I say to myself, even as I begin

to imagine each trapped rodent wearing an orange

 

jumpsuit as interrogators gather nearby with pen

and paper waiting for the inevitable confessions.

One night, the trap is sprung, its detainee freed from

house arrest. I am thrilled. Then I learn that a bear

has likely done it. Probably thanked me for the easy meal.

Now I am lost in my worst fears. There is no kindness in my yard.

 

How could I have thought otherwise? This is how

it always begins. Good intentions vanishing

like some dying star, rationalizations

reverberating across celestial centuries.

Turns out it is our unwavering belief

in our self-righteousness that is the trap.

 

The Company of Women

Ann Voorhees Baker 0 Comment Ann's Blog, Guest Posts, WAW Community News , ,
[Editor’s Note: Susan Smith, an alum of more than one Women At Woodstock gathering, wrote to me saying that she’d just had a somatic breathing session, and it unleashed some wonderful thoughts – among which was the memory of writing this piece on her blog many months ago after she got home from Women At Woodstock. When I read it, I was struck by how accurately she paints the safe and open place that is Women At Woodstock, and the contrast of that feeling with “regular life” when we return home. Different stories, different contrasts, to be sure, but that feeling of magical possibility that elevates you when you’re together, well, that’s what happens when you’re in The Company of Women. I immediately wrote back and asked for permission to reprint Susan’s article here, and she said, “Of course!” Read on… ~ Ann]
 
By Susan Smith
 
Recently I attended a five-day retreat for women over 50. I returned feeling pumped, revitalized and ready for battle. Fierce, healthy battle, one I was well-prepped to win. No one was going to stand in my way.

A few days later, I had dinner with a friend who had just returned from a 10-day trip abroad with two other women. We swapped tales of our journeys excitedly. Then she wanted to talk about how different her boyfriend seemed to her upon her return. She thought his silence and disinterest in her might be a result of him trying to punish her for being away, but as we chatted it became clear that his behavior hadn’t really changed from what it had been over the last 10 years. So what was going on?

Which led me to examine that question. Because I, too, had felt something off in my marriage since attending that retreat. It was difficult to maintain the sense of purpose and excitement that I had packed into my suitcase to bring home. In fact, I’d waited a few days to unpack, for fear of finding it missing.

In the company of women, you drop all defense. You fearlessly dress up your true inner self and proudly parade her about, and she is celebrated. She is heard, she is completely understood. She is allowed to speak your truth without reservation. Vulnerability just doesn’t need to exist there, in that rainforest of warm acceptance and love.

Then you come home from the rainforest, straight into the desert. It’s like the Mojave at 2 AM in January. The air is dry but it has a deep chill that reaches up into the stars and has no stopping place.

The man in your life seems so silent. Is this new, or has he always been this way? While you enthusiastically describe your time away, he doesn’t seem all that intrigued. You can read the football score in his eyes on the third yawn, for God’s sake. His demeanor is that of a 4-year-old boy, having been told to be respectful to his grandmother. “Mommy, I was good, can I go out and play NOW?” He can’t wait to escape!

Remember, while you were gone, he was probably immersed in the company of men, a very different place to hang out (even if they were just on television).

But, even so, you get the message. Your true inner self is not welcome here, it’s too much to handle. Too much emotion, truth, passion, just too overwhelming.

So you silently and sadly undress her, your true inner self, folding her clothes carefully (after all, it’s not forever.) You kiss her goodbye and tell her just to whisper to you for now…to save her voice for another time. A time when she can come out and play, safe and sound, in the company of women.

[To contact Susan, click on her email here: LimelightCoaching@gmail.com]

Swimming in the Ocean – Brenda Rush On Being a Writer

Ann Voorhees Baker 0 Comment Ann's Blog, Guest Posts, WAW Community News , , ,

I sat on a bench with Brenda Rush one beautiful morning at Women At Woodstock last October and listened to her explore the possibilities of life as a writer. It was one of those suspended days: balmy, a slow breeze, blue sky. Is it spring? Is it fall? In what I have come to know as Brenda’s signature style, she weighed her options with careful deliberation. Bottom line though was this: Brenda was going to write.

Well, she made it happen. She’s been published more than a few times since that day, and it’s been only five months since we sat together. Brenda wrote to me about her writer’s life to date. Here’s what she shared: 

Swimming in the Ocean

by Bren Rush

Brenda RushWading out tentatively to test the waters a step at a time allows one to acclimate to the temperature, sounds, waves, and even some of the sea life. Being able to swim in a pool doesn’t insure success in the ocean, but loving the water accounts for a lot. This is how I recently approached freelance writing.

With the encouragement and patience of two successful ocean swimmers, I found myself not only equipped with a suit, sunscreen, and a swimmer’s cap, but also with as much excitement as they had about my upcoming launch into moving water. We began meeting together twice a month as a critique group. I learned about The Writer’s Market, editorial calendars, pitch letters and the lessons continue to come.

We push ourselves to bring worthy writing samples and share possible markets for our articles. Gilda has been writing professionally for 18 years and is in high demand by editors to write articles for cattle, farm, and ranch publications. Karena began freelancing two years ago for a wide range of magazines and is writing a book. I write human interest stories, the stories needing to be told, which make us think and hopefully make us better for having read them.

Support from my critique group gave me the resolve to commit to freelance writing, so I stood at the edge of this new adventure waiting for the right moment. Then I heard it. A timely story of friendship presented itself and I knew it was the one strong enough to go with me into the water. It was a timely tale about an early relief effort from our town to Houston victims of Hurricane Harvey. Fortunately, the local magazine I pitched it to hadn’t yet received another about the disaster. It was snapped up! The rush of success prompted me to stop wading and just dive in headfirst, but my instincts suggested otherwise. That saying about life being a marathon, not a sprint applies to freelance writing too.

The next step was to deliver two small article ideas to the editor of a magazine for members of an international philanthropic sisterhood to which I belong. I was told there was only “limited space for member-written articles.” So I wrote the first piece about an educational fundraiser dear to my heart and I got a phone call from a column editor. He told me the story was well written and it would appear in the next issue. In regard to my second idea, he suggested we have a phone interview so he could write the story in his column. I suggested that wouldn’t work. Instead, I wrote the story and now it also has been accepted. That means I’ll have an article in back-to-back issues of this magazine. While guest writers receive no payment, this publication has a circulation of a quarter of a million people in the US and Canada. My resume can now mention that I have been “internationally published.”  

When my neighbor decided to donate a unique military hat to a museum, the fourth story presented itself. My writing mentor suggested I pitch the story with accompanying sidebars to the magazine who bought my first story. What a great idea! Apparently the editor thought so too, since she wanted it in two weeks. As for my fifth idea, she said she “loves” it and will accept it if I tell it from a different angle. So, we are currently discussing options.

For three months now, I have been wading a little deeper into this new ocean of written words to get acclimated and gain strength and confidence. So far, timing, patience, relationships, study and a desire to impact others through story has been working for me. Some suggest my percentage of acceptance bodes well for a future swim, but percentages can be misleading. For now, I’ll measure my success by the joy of being in the water with others who challenge themselves to go deeper and return to shore with more than sand in their suits.

One last observation: I find it interesting that Brenda is a person of such measured thought and careful action, yet she’s moved with lightning speed into the life of a writer. Note that she found her “tribe” right in the begnning, and she immerses herself in it regularly. Everyone needs a tribe; especially writers, who by definition are lone rangers when they work. Do you write? Do you have a tribe?

Author Angela Kaufman Talks About the Influence Women At Woodstock Had on Her

Ann Voorhees Baker 0 Comment Ann's Blog, Guest Posts, WAW Community News, Why Women At Woodstock? , , , ,

Angela Kaufman has been coming to Women At Woodstock for many years. Now her first book, Queen Up! is being published (release date: April 1). I’m very proud to know Angela, and very excited for her success. She just wrote to me about how her experiences at Women At Woodstock shaped her transformation from wannabe writer to published author. Here’s what Angela said:

One’s on the Way….

Each fall in downstate NY, women from all walks of life gather for the purpose of refining their craft as writers. Some published, some not, some poets, some working on a screenplay, some writing memoirs, some exploring novels, and some a clean slate. All have one thing in common; the desire to make magic with the written word.

In 2016 I attended Women at Woodstock Writers’ Retreat for the first time.  Thanks to the guidance of resident writing coach Linda Lowen as well as feedback from the community, both of my writer’s missions were accomplished. Within five months of attending this retreat, I had revised the completed manuscript of a book I had been working on, and I’d received valuable feedback to help me refine the pitch and proposal.

Queen Up! book coverThis may seem like an easy process, however, we writers become so connected to our own subject matter that it can be difficult to explain our project to those not living inside our own minds. This was particularly true for me, as the book I was working on is a self-help book based on metaphysical and holistic concepts. Our writing projects are our babies, yet we can’t birth them alone. Some of our “babies” have a long gestation period. My upcoming book, Queen Up! has been a work in progress since 2014, undergoing various revisions. The transformation process is not just reserved for the work itself. As writers, we also go through our own rebirth in the process of creating. The community at Women at Woodstock is not just an excellent springboard for incubating your creative work. It is also a sanctuary to nurture yourself as a writer. The magic that creates the written work exists first in the one creating it.

Each member of the community brings their perspective, talents, life experience. This creates a special energy from which we all are uplifted. As the launch of my book approaches, I am reminded how much it has taken a village to bring forth this project, and I’m grateful for the support of the Women at Woodstock Community. This is essential because as writers we walk a generally solitary path. The seeds of ideas come from the world around us, and yet we run with them, often in isolation. Without the sounding board and support of others, we hit roadblocks. It is ironic that even in writing a book about personal empowerment from drawing on internal energy, there were many times during the course of writing Queen Up! when I stumbled through the limitations of my own experience. While there is a writer in all of us, just as there is an Inner Queen in all of us, we sometimes need to see our power reflected in the words or accomplishments of those in our community.

If you have never attended a Women at Woodstock Workshop Weekend and/or Writer’s retreat, the experience is something beyond words. The connections and conversations, the atmosphere and teachings are inspiring, encouraging and life-changing.

If you have attended in the past, and our paths have crossed, then I want to thank you because your presence, your wisdom, your feedback, your energy are a part of what has culminated in this book coming to fruition. This community has been instrumental in helping to bring Queen Up! to life and I can’t wait to share the results with you.

My Give-Back to the Women At Woodstock Community

I am offering special giveaways to those who pre-order Queen Up! From Amazon.com before 4/1/18 and would be grateful for your support in helping to spread the word. All you have to do is order your book, and then forward a copy of your receipt to intuitiveangela@gmail.com as your proof of purchase. Click here for more information about the giveaways and special promotion. 

P.S. Angela will be leading a Flash Workshop at Women At Woodstock 2018: “Discover the Power of Your Archetypal Queen.” It’s going to be an eye-opener. Or should I say “third-eye-opener”? Click here for information on the workshop.